Eggs (the baby-making kind)

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.  With a fertility clinic.  Yep.  I applied to be an egg donor in March.  On April 25, the day after my 24th birthday, I went and took a personality test.  I guess to see if I'm crazy or something.  Then I didn't hear from them for months.  In late June, I got a call that the woman in charge of my case (file? whatever) was out of town and that she would call me in mid-July.  She finally called me 2 or 3 days ago (which was in August, may I point out) to make an appointment for me to come get blood work done.  So tomorrow I am going to a doctor's appointment to allow a nurse, who works for a very non-responsive doctor's office, to steal a bunch of my blood so that I can help a total stranger maybe have a baby.  I'm a little nervous about the whole process.  This is what will happen:

- First I applied
- Then the personality test
- Then some blood work
- Then I'll have to take birth control of some kind to sync my cycle with the recipient mom's cycle.  She'll be doing the same thing.  We'll do that so that when I ovulate and they take my eggs, she'll be at the most fertile part of her cycle which will maximize her chances of conception. (This part makes me think about the scene in Bridesmaids where all the roomies are laying around devouring cupcakes together)
- In the last few weeks of the process, I have to take hormones everyday.  Injected hormones.  You know, with needles.  I am terrified of needles.  Also, these hormones will make me a little crazy.  So I'll be even more of a raving lunatic/raging bitch than normal if that's even possible.
- On "the day" I'll go in, they give me some anesthesia and they'll go in and take out my eggs.  Hopefully the hormones will have caused me to release several so the recipient mom can have a good shot at getting preggers.  I'm still hazy on the details of the procedure.  I know they won't be cutting me open (they'll go in vaginally) but I don't know how anesthetized I'll be.  I'm not sure if I'll be completely out or what.  Hopefully completely out.

I'm very nervous about the needles.  But I figure, I'm 24 years old, I should probably face this fear.  And hopefully, the great Monica Ploetzke will be administering the shots which calms me.  I trust that woman with my life.
I'm slightly worried about how the hormones will affect me when I'm also dealing with the stress of school.  Everyone at school has already seen me cry in class and scream at people in the lobby so I doubt public opinion could get much worse.  But what if I can't handle it?  Law school really stresses me out in the first place and I can't imagine how I'm going to handle it while I'm juiced up.
I'm also a little nervous about the extraction proceedure.  I've never had real surgery.  I had my wisdom teeth removed in college.  The recovery was pretty smooth and it wasn't too horrible of an experience.  But I have never had real surgery or anything.  I've never been hospitalized, never been to the emergency room, nothing.  I have been so lucky to be healthy.  The idea of being unconscious and having doctors I don't know prodding up my lady bits is, at the least, disconcerting.
But more than the needles, more than the crazies, more than the procedure, I'm nervous about how I'll handle not knowing how it turns out.  There is a strict anonymity policy.  They'll know about me (health history, education, etc), and they get my picture but not my name.  I don't get to know who they are.  At all.  There is a 50/50 chance that the recipient mom will conceive through this method.  I don't get to know if she gets pregnant or not.  If she does, I won't get to know the baby's gender or birth day or name.  Nothing.  There could be a little me out there running around and I won't have a damn clue.  I'm afraid the wondering is going to make me crazy.  But I'm going to do it anyway, lord help me.  So I'm going to try to blog about the process in the hopes that it will help to ground me and remind me why the hell I decided to do this in the first place.